There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
