Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
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