Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
