We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Randomize
