need another drink. this is the easiest way
u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Randomize
