i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
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sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
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I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
i think im in europe. pls send help
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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