Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
