I think I died a long time ago.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I could fuck to npr.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
