My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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