Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
