Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
