So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
