last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
