Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
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