Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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