Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
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