Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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