Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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