all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
