we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize