my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
