we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
