..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
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I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
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Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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