im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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