I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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