just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
