Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
