I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
