She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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