I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I AM VODKA MAN
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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