broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
