i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize