i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Randomize
