i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
