I look better un-naked...
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
