It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
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