my mouth tastes like poor choices
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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