I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
