This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
