Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
