Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
