apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
