someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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