I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
