She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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