No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
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We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
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He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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