Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
