I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
