gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
In other news, I just burned my penis
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
