omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize