Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
