The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
