It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
