Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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