Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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