Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
