Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
