I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
My brain says no but my pants say off.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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