let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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