if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
