whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
