Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
It's official drugs can't kill me
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
