Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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