Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Randomize
