He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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